


deeper than the ink beneath the skin of our tattoos

by ralf



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: (never fear lol), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Excessive Hugging all around, Feelings, Future Fic, Gen, Humor, Jace is The Softest™, Jace loves Alec very much, Parabatai Bond, Parabatai Feels, Platonically, Tender - Freeform, Vulnerable Alec Lightwood, Vulnerable Jace Wayland, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-02
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2021-01-20 18:20:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21286088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ralf/pseuds/ralf
Summary: He knows this kind of tension from Alec. It's the tightly strung state Alec gets caught in whenever he's working up the nerve to confess something important to someone he loves. Jace dipped into their connection earlier and it prickled with Alec's proximity, and when he strained his ears he could make out Alec's pacing before the front door through the tilted window.
Relationships: Alec Lightwood & Jace Wayland, Clary Fray/Jace Wayland, Magnus Bane & Jace Wayland, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 26
Kudos: 278





	1. An Impossible Request

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This got so much more dramatic than initially planned oops ahahaha what am I even doing.  
Title is (again) from “Brother” by Kodaline. I can't help myself. It _is_ the ultimate parabatai song.

_Oh brother, we go deeper than the ink beneath the skin of our tattoos_  
_Though we don't share the same blood you're my brother and I love you, that's the truth_  
_We're living different lives, heaven only knows if we'll make it back with all our fingers and our toes_  
_Five years, twenty years come back, we'll always be the same_

_\- Kodaline, Brother_

Jace's eyes wander over the same line of text for the fifth time without him taking anything in. He can't concentrate on the sentence even though this latest book Clary put on his to-read-list is actually not half bad. The story had drawn him in until the rising turmoil of Alec's emotions pulled him back out none too gently a few minutes ago and he hasn't gotten any more reading done since.

He knows this kind of tension from him. It's the tightly strung state Alec gets caught in whenever he's working up the nerve to confess something important to someone he loves. Jace dipped into their connection earlier and it prickled with Alec's proximity, and when he strained his ears he could make out Alec's pacing before the front door through the tilted window.

Mostly it's best to let Alec work through his internal struggling in his own time but this has been going on for almost ten minutes now and Jace decides to give Alec a little nudge. He closes his book and reaches for his phone.

_whiskey or scotch?_ he texts. Outside Alec's steps come to an abrupt halt, surprise reverberating through their bond, followed by another burst of agitation.

“I can feel you hovering. Come in,” Jace calls through the window.

A bolt of guilt zings along their bond, but at last Jace hears Alec opening the rickety front door of the small house Jace and Clary moved into six years ago and that he meant to fix for weeks but keeps forgetting.

Alec drags his feet down the short hallway to the living room and enters cautiously, his face betraying nothing. For a moment Jace wonders why Alec even bothers when he must know that Jace feels him but then he realizes how hypocritical that is. Even after seventeen years of being parabatai his own first instinct is still to try and hide it if he's feeling vulnerable or hurt or upset or... or anything, really.

He'd offer Alec a drink but he knows Alec would only fiddle with it, so he gets up from his wing chair and approaches him slowly. Alec tracks his movement silently, not retreating but also not meeting him halfway like he usually does. Whatever is on his mind must be weighing heavily on him.

He reaches Alec and settles a hand on his shoulder tentatively, unsure if the touch will be welcomed. “Hey.”

Alec curls into his hand imperceptibly, some of the racket in him calming. It's all the incentive Jace needs to pull him closer. Alec folds into his embrace easily but instead of relaxing further a tidal wave of guilt washes through their bond again, much stronger than before. It shakes Jace to the core, his grip on Alec tightening instinctively and he forces himself to remain firm and collected, to offer Alec something to hold onto.

“Hey, Alec, talk to me.”

Alec's fingers twitch where they rest against Jace's back and he exhales deliberately, his emotions growing mute with it. He's not closing himself off but rather pushing his feelings into non-existence in a way he hasn't in years. It only serves to make Jace's stomach knot in nerves, too, and he braces himself for impact when Alec moves back and looks him straight in the eyes.

“Magnus and I have been talking. About..” He trails off and Jace feels his courage faltering for a heartbeat before he starts again. “We want to look if there's a way for me to become immortal.”

Jace's lips twitch into a smile, some of the tension Alec had projected on him loosening. “That's amazing, Alec.” He claps Alec's shoulder in congratulation, relief and joy flickering to life in his chest and prodding at their bond.

Alec stares at him blankly. Even his side of their connection is numb with shock. “You don't seem surprised.”

Jace snorts. “No, the thought crossed my mind with how you keep promising Magnus forever.” He remembers the dinner Magnus and Alec hosted a few months back to celebrate their ten year anniversary, and the smitten looks they kept shooting each other, their soft voices when they renewed their vows. “I don't think _anyone_ will be surprise by this.”

He laughs and bumps Alec's shoulder affectionately but Alec stays fraught, a furrow etching into his brow. Jace frowns in return, remembering the guilt Alec felt. It doesn't add up.

“What aren't you telling me?”

Sorrow lances through their bond and Alec blinks swiftly before he soldiers on. “It's not certain yet but it's very likely that.. that this will break our parabatai bond.”

Jace's heart misses a beat, and another, and another. The air feels cold in his lungs and he can't swallow around the lump that's suddenly in his throat, gently choking the breath from him. Alec is here to ask _permission_.

Alec's voice cracks when he speaks again, colored in pain and anguish, impossibly small. “I just... I don't want to leave him.”

The unspoken _even if it means leaving you_ presses into every hurt Jace has ever felt and he nearly staggers. Alec draws in a sharp breath, his hands shaking when he pulls Jace back into a crushing hug. “I'm sorry,” he breathes into Jace's hair. “I can't do this. Forget I said anything.”

His fingers dig into Jace like talons and Jace clutches right back, irrationally afraid that Alec will disappear if he loosens his grip. It's instinct to reach for their connection to feel Alec, but the wall of absolute agony he meets makes him flinch back. Regret and vicious teeth of anger curl around it and Jace feels his own heart breaking, twisting in desperation to lessen the self-loathing Alec is strangling himself with.

It's what gives him the strength to push his own feelings aside. “No,” he gasps, weak and unsteady, so he repeats it more firmly. “No.”

Alec starts and through sheer power of will Jace manages to pry himself from the safety of his arms so he can look him in the eyes. “Even without our bond and our rune you'll always be my parabatai. We'll be fine.” The words burn like acid on his tongue but he refuses to take them back. Nothing is worth watching Alec tear himself apart between the people he loves. Even if it means that Jace has to let go.

“We'll still have this,” he says and touches the corner of his ribcage where Alec drew a promise rune all those years ago. “Nothing can come between us, remember?”

“I can't ask this of you.” Alec shakes his head so Jace grabs his neck, almost roughly, stilling his movement and willing him to understand. “I want you to be happy, Alec.”

“You make me happy,” Alec protests vehemently.

Jace can't fight back an involuntary smile. “Not the way Magnus does. At least I hope so.”

That startles a wet chuckle from Alec, his eyes shining traitorously. He yanks Jace back into the hug, sniffling softly. “You're such an idiot.”

Jace sinks into it, more conscious of their bond thrumming between them than ever before, now that he knows that its days are numbered. Feeling the all-encompassing relief and pure, fierce affection from Alec he can't bring himself to regret his decision. Even if he knows that it will hurt, deeply, to lose this. He's equally sure that they will make it through because that's what they do. Always.

“I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to know what's up with the promise rune, feel free to check out my [explaining ficlet](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21092087).
> 
> <strike>It's very likely that I'll add a second chapter where Magnus and Jace talk, so stay tuned if that's something that would interest you.</strike> I did, yay XD


	2. Calling it even

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope this lives up to expectations x_X

A few days later Jace is just getting cozy with the second volume of the series – Clary was a little surprised and more than pleased with his interest – when a timid knock sounds at the front door. He sets the book down ruefully and goes to open. All of their family and friends are keyed into the wards and a lock means nothing in a world of steles and magic, so he's taken aback to find Magnus shifting uncertainly on the footmat. One look at his conflicted eyes tells Jace everything he needs to know about why he's here.

“Hey Magnus,” he greets wrily and gestures him inside. They make it to the living room in silence and while Jace would normally offer Magnus a drink he doubts it would be appreciated. Neither of them is a fan of small talk when agitated which Magnus clearly is, so Jace just crosses his arms and waits for him to spill.

For a long moment Magnus watches him intensely and his eyes do that thing where they look like a melted pit of vulnerable feelings. Jace has to physically dig his fingers into his arms to steel himself and hold his gaze. He can only imagine how much it costs Magnus to bare himself like this and he isn't going to reject this show of trust.

“I don't know what to say,” Magnus finally cracks. “_Thank you_ isn't even remotely enough.” With an air of helplessness he closes the distance between them and pulls Jace into a crushing hug.

Jace startles, his hands instinctively settling on Magnus's arms for balance. They don't hug that often, usually expressing their affection for each other through shoulder claps and manly nods, and it's certainly never been like _this_. Magnus isn't holding back and in some ways this reminds Jace of Alec's hugs: unrestrained and fierce. Jace can do nothing but let Magnus's gratefulness smother him and he welcomes it, hugging Magnus back just as firmly. The acknowledgement of his sacrifice soothes some of his rough patches and makes it a little easier to bear.

“I'll try everything I can so you can keep your bond,” Magnus promises. “But if I don't succeed...” He squeezes Jace tighter. “I don't think I could have done what you did. Letting him go like this.”

At this Jace snorts. “Nonsense. You could do absolutely anything for him. I know that.”

Magnus draws back and the rawness of his face cuts Jace deep. Even after all this time Magnus still seems surprised as if he's not yet used to his place in their family.

It obliges Jace to an honesty he might have otherwise sidestepped. “I told Alec I want him to be happy. But that extends to you as well. If anyone deserves to keep Alec forever it's you.”

Magnus makes a choked off sound, his eyes glinting wetly. “Jace, I...” He trails off forlornly and Jace feels a vague sense of guilt for it.

He shrugs. “Just... take care of him?”

Before he can so much as blink Magnus's arms close around him again. “I will, I swear.” Magnus's voice sounds more than a little unsteady and Jace pats his back gently. “Hey. You two are not rid of me yet, okay?”

Magnus startles a chuckle but it still sounds suspiciously tear-heavy. “If there's anything I can do for you, anything at all, tell me. It's yours.” He retreats slowly, surreptitiously wiping under his eyes while Jace mulls it over. He knows Magnus means it, that he could ask for anything and Magnus would grant it without a moment's hesitation. But if he's honest the only thing he wants right now is to erase the sense of uncertainty and guilt lingering in the shadows of Magnus's eyes.

“Actually,” he starts.

“What is it?” Magnus asks immediately and he's so earnest that Jace can't fight an involuntary smile.

He waves his hand. “You know Celine's birthday is coming up and she's been having a hard time accepting that flying carpets aren't a thing, right? I was wondering if you could rectify that for a day?”

Magnus doesn't miss a beat. “I can rectify that forever.”

“What, really?” Jace stares at him, grinning in delight when Magnus nods. “_Wow._ Can you imagine her face? She's gonna lose it.”

An answering grin appears on Magnus's face tentatively. “So will Clary.”

“Oh shit,” Jace curses, heartfelt. “Oh crap. She's going to _kill_ me.”

“Probably, yes,” Magnus agrees, shy amusement back in his smile and Jace can't help but think that it will be worth it anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and then of course magnus manages to find a way to grant alec immortality that preserves the parabatai bond because he's frakkin smart like that. thank you for your time c:


End file.
